Once upon a time, not that long ago, I was quite the martini maker. I’d been a Scotch on the Rocks man for many years, so I was a bit put off by the thought of working that hard to create a drink. But there was something very appealing about the martini; the shape of the glass, the elegant appearance one can strike while holding one, the James Bondness of it all. So I invested in a small martini kit and purchased gin and vermouth. Using a recipe I found on line, I made my first martini. To say it was disgusting would be putting it mildly. I was very disheartened.
One day, during a working lunch, an associate joked about how nice it would be to order martinis with our lunch. “Eek gads woman,” I said. “They’re absolutely horrid!” She seemed utterly perplexed by my position on the matter. “My dear, martinis are among the best cocktails one can consume. Pray tell what type of martinis have you experienced?” I relayed my failed experiment and she took pity upon me. “Poor man, you’ve been hoodwinked. A gin martini, especially as wet as the one you are describing, is an insult to the word martini.” She gave me a recipe for a vodka martini and I went home excited to try again.
The improvement over my original experiment was dramatic; however I continued to tweak her recipe to suit my liking. Soon, my martinis would become know around town (actually just my small circle of friends) for their quality, drinkability, and general awesomeness. Although I no longer drink them, or any alcohol for that matter, it seems a shame to not allow those who still indulge to experience one. So for you, Faithful Readers, I present The Joetini.
Material Gathering Phase
Obtain the following items:
- Martini shaker
- Martini glasses
- Shot glass
- Top shelf vodka (I recommend Grey Goose)
- A sharp knife
- A cutting board
- An eye dropper
Place the following items in the freezer:
- Martini shaker
- Martini glasses
The vermouth and lemons should be refrigerated.
- Cut a fresh lemon in half. Place one half to the side of your cutting board.
- Using the second half of the lemon carefully cut the rind away from the lemon, enough to make two 2” strips.
- Take the martini shaker and fill it halfway with ice cubes. Do not use shaved ice.
- Pour 6 shots of vodka into the shaker.
- Squeeze the lemon, carefully to control the output, and put 24 drops of lemon juice into the shaker.
- Dip the eye dropper into the vermouth and fill it approximately halfway.
- Carefully squeeze 12 drops of vermouth into the shaker.
- Proceed to shake the martini shaker vigorously, first with the right hand, then the left. Shake for at least 45 seconds.
- Remove the martini glasses (2) from the freezer. Using the strainer, pour the precious liquid into the glasses, being careful not to spill a drop. After you have some practice, you can pour with a little panache by placing the two glasses against each other and alternating the pour between the two.
- Take your previously prepared lemon rind strips and, holding them by the ends, twist them until they become wet from the lemon juice you’re squeezing out of them.
- Drop the twisted rind into the martini glass.
- Serve to your waiting guests.
Ensure you buy martini glasses large enough to hold the 3 shots of vodka, but not so large that the glass appears half empty. You should be forewarned that the Joetini is so smooth, cold and refreshing that your guests will likely consume them very quickly and be back for more. It is up to you as the host on martini night to pace your guests. Many a martini night at the Herrera’s ended early as guests lay asleep contentedly on various pieces of furniture around the living room.
Good luck my friends, and remember: Drink Responsibly.